It's Been a Year Already

I came looking for this blog a couple of weeks ago and couldn't find it - I forgot the email that I had associated with this blog account.  Here's the secret - I created a new blog account and wanted to place Adsense on it, they emailed me and told me there was already an account I used associated with Adsense.  How they knew that I have NO idea! 

The new blog, I suppose, could be somewhat related to my eating frenzy.  It's called KokaineKisses because I wrote a book called the same thing.  I will get into it in the future because I'm not ready to share yet, perhaps the reason I didn't even post anything. 

So, onto my continuous battle of the bulge.  I didn't get very far last year, nor did I get very far this year.  Although, I wasn't as large this past Christmas like I was when I began this blog.  Slowly I'm changing some habits.  Not very often will you find me at a take- out joint and when I am, it's usually Subway or I'm buying just a plain hamburger. 

I did go back to following Weight Watcher's - AGAIN - in January - that lasted two weeks.  What is wrong with me??  I write things down for two weeks and for some reason I get lazy with it.  There is a lot of discipline required and I just can't seem to find it. 

Well, there are SO many things that have happened to me and my family over the past year - I simply can't get it into one post so I'm pretty sure I'll be able to keep you interested and coming back.  Future topics will include - kids ... mine ... dealing with 2 teenage girls and then adding another teenage boy into the mix makes for a ton of blog posts!  We're taking a trip to New York this spring and I can't wait to post about our trip.  Not only do I have to catch up with the past year, but the future months will also prove to be quite adventurous with one child going to University, one who will be trying to get her driver's license and a job, and one dealing with anger, drugs and his place in life - I'll be taking the journeys will all of them.

For now, it feels great to be back! 

Busy Week Still in Control

It has been such a hectic week already!  I haven't been around long enough to even write in here.  I was at the gym on Tuesday and then John and I went test driving cars.  We knew it was time to get rid of the van so off we went.  It literally took us ALL day to find, drive and purchase our new car.  It was a little bit stressful but very much exciting.  We got home long enough to whip up some supper - macaroni and beef.  I only took a small plateful.  I think I'm learning more about portion control because once upon a time I would have filled my plate twice. 

After we ate, we wanted to drive around and show off our new car so we went out to Mira where John's parents live. 

It was such a busy day,  I never had to think about food once, nor did I have any cravings for anything - well, maybe chocolate, but that's only because I'm pmsing.  I was actually feeling quite bloated.  My new boss called me and asked me if I wanted to work tomorrow (Wednesday).  I was elated and told her of course.  So I was going in for 9- 'whenever it's not busy'.  I figured I better pack a lunch by the sounds of that.  Of course, because it was so early, I opted not to go to the gym.  My friend, Tab emailed me and asked me if I wanted to go to the swimming pool for an Aquafit class Wednesday evening because we've been trying to get there the last 3 weeks but something always comes up that prevents us.  I wanted to go so bad, but I really didn't think I could handle the pending stressful day I was planning.  It was the first day of my period, the first day of 'non training' at work so I'd be servicing clients by myself, and I wasn't sure what time I was going to be done at work. 

I had no idea when I was going to get to the gym and that actually had me quite worried.  I worked all day yesterday until 6pm and I came home, ate a light Healthy Steamer dinner, relaxed and I was in bed by 10:30pm.  My shift for today was changed though from morning to 3pm-10pm.  My first thought when she told me that was, "Oh good, I'll get to the gym in the morning!" and my next thought was, "what am I gonna bring for supper". 

I did it - I got up at 6:45 and was off to the gym.  I did the treadmill for my 30 minutes and then I worked my upper body on about 5 machines.  I then made my way over to the ab area.  It was great being in the gym this morning - there were alot of people there when I arrived, but after I got off the treadmill it seemed they dwindled off.  Most of the people were over 40 years of age, which was also great to see.  Maybe I should hand out the link to my blog ... hehe. 

I feel great!  I came home and had a shower and a nice healthy breakfast - mushroom/tomato omelet and half of a bagel, plus my cup of tea.  I know it's only Thursday but I had to - I stepped on the scale just prior to my shower.  I was feeling bloated and I wasn't quite sure where I stood with my weight.  Much to my surprise ... I'm down another 2 lbs, despite my period bloating.  I'm now down 14 lbs since the New Year.  This was a great motivator.  I now know I'm having a salad and fruit for lunch and I'm taking a sandwich and healthy snacks to work tonight.

I'm unsure of my work schedule for the next few days and this has me a little bit anxious because I'm not one of these last minute people - I need to have a plan.  I have NO idea when I'm going to the gym next - I do know, I'm now closer to being in control of my food instead of it controlling me ...

Monday Mornings

Good morning,

I had a pretty good weekend.  I'm glad I waited until today to post though - gave me things to save up and talk about.  This morning's weigh in was alright - I am down to 177lbs now, but I was there on Thursday so this week I'm not getting on the scale until next Monday. 

Over the course of the weekend I put on some clothes from my closet that I haven't seen since the end of the summer - yes, I gained a considerable amount of weight from the summer > the New Year.  Much to my surprise, my dress pants were loose.  I was even bold enough to buy a dress yesterday!  I saw this really cute dress in Facebook and I thought, "that might look okay on me".  It had a wide elastic waist just under the breast line and I have heard before that this defines a waist in larger women.  I asked my 17 year old daughter if she'd like to go shopping in this cute little boutique up the road.  She's a girly girl and jumped at the offer.

I walked into the store - it was actually this lady's house all redone like a store.  The jewelry was gorgeous and so were the handbags.  Then I asked her to show me the dress I saw in Facebook.  I looked at it and my goodness it looked so small, even though it was a size large.  I knew it wasn't going to fit me.  She told me I could try it on in the washroom down the hall and there was a full length mirror in the boutique.  I told her the likelihood of me walking back into the store with that dress on was nil to none.  I pulled it over my head and I looked down at myself - my big belly was no longer protruding like I was pregnant and I could see my feet!  I had cleavage.  I was dying to see what I looked like in the full length mirror.  I called to my daughter - who would be more than blatantly honest with me (half the reason I took her) - and asked her if it would be a good idea for me to step out of the washroom.  She was so excited to see me in a dress.  She said, 'mom, I've never seen you in a dress before, it looks great'. 

I walked over to the dreaded mirror.  Much to my surprise, it didn't look that bad.  I liked it.  I wasn't quite sure where I was going to wear it - I initially wanted it for work, but I'm not sure if it's too dressy or not.  I suppose with a cute pair of sandals, it could be worn to work.  I was getting it.  I was actually buying a dress.  It was time to treat myself, so instead of the usual treating myself with food, I looked for a necklace to go with my new dress.  It was a great day! 

I didn't get to the gym all weekend though.  I am sick with a head cold and I just wanted the weekend 'off'.  I really don't like going to the gym on the weekends - too many people.  John usually takes the dogs for an evening walk and last night I asked to join him.  I got out for some cardio because the snow is very deep and we walked up a street that was on somewhat of an incline, so I got a little bit of exercise, not as much as if I went to the gym.

So, because of my non activity this weekend, I pushed myself a bit this morning.  I went 30 mins on the treadmill - I was sweating.  I bumped into a girl from work and it knocked my whole drive off kilter.  I don't know why, I just like to go do my thing and come home.  She wanted to converse for a bit and then my rhythm was broken.  I worked 4 arm machines and then I made my way over to the abs area.  I did that machine hard.  I decided on 3 sets of 20 and then I did 3 sets of 20 on the ball.  My stomach is sore and I'm happy with my solid 30 minutes on the treadmill.

When I arrived home, I had a mushroom omelet wrap and a cup of tea.  My sinuses are all stuffed and I'm getting a headache.  I'm full of the cold.  I want to get a few things done today, but I'm trying to muster up some energy.  I wish I had of worked some more machines.  I will be at the gym for the next 3 mornings so I'm hoping to get more time in with the other machines.  I have to make sure I can keep this weight off or that new dress I bought would have been a waste of money ...

It's the Weekend

Good Morning,

I was wrong about last night's Step Class - I couldn't keep up, but not really because I was so out of shape, I had trouble with the moves/choreography!  He combined 3 different moves and repeated them 4 times, so I had trouble keeping up with that part.  I also increased my weights and it literally burned when I attempted to keep up.  All in all though, it was a great workout - I came home with a red face so I imagine my adreneline was going crazy.

I got up at 6:20am today so I could get to the gym, but I went all in a frenzy.  I opened my bank account online and a double payment of an order came out so I was angry.  I thought going to the gym angry would be a good thing - I'd workout harder.  I was wrong.  My mind was consumed with how I was going to rectify this situation.  I got on the treadmill for 30 mins as opposed to my 25 and I increased the incline to 3 as opposed to 2.  I had my iPod on and it seemed to be going well, but then when I got off the treadmill and started on the other machines, my mind was slipping away to the issue I left home angry about.  I only did 4 machines as opposed to the 6 or so I usually do, plus the ball.  The treadmill was a good workout, but I disappointed myself with not doing the machines the way I normally do them.  The larger lady who usually goes there hasn't been in all week - at least not while I was there.  I'd hate to think she quit.  I don't want to quit.  I see a comfortable summer just around the corner and if I keep up with what I'm doing, I'll be looking forward to wearing my bathing suit and shorts/tank.

I'm not really sure how the weekend is going to play out.  I don't like going to the gym on the weekends because it's full of kids and takes forever to get a treadmill. 

I haven't decided if I'm going to put away the blog for the weekend or not - it sure is a motivator though.  Half the reason I didn't eat those chips the other day was because I knew I'd be coming to the blog and confessing.  Crazy, eh?

Blah Days

Yesterday didn't start out too well.  I had nothing to do.  I wasn't working so I thought I'd make it a lazy day.  We all know what happens when an emotional eater has a lazy day ... it's an ongoing trip to the cupboards/fridge.  At first I was fine, I had a nice breakfast and snacked on a piece of fruit.  Then John left and I was alone.

What do we do when we're alone and bored??  Keep eating, of course!  I walked to the cupboard and opened the bag of potato chips - All Dressed.  I found myself binging in front of the cupboard until, after two very delicious handfuls, it dawned on me that it would mean an extra hour at the gym.  I put the bag back in the cupboard and went back to the livingroom.  Now I was battling what I had just done to myself.

I knew John was on his way home, so I went into my room and packed my gym bag - I was heading off to the gym to exercise off this guilt ... and to keep busy for at least another hour.  I normally go in the mornings, so traveling in there at noon was going to be new to me. 

I had to wait a few minutes for a treadmill because there were alot of people there.  It must have been the lunch crowd.  I stayed on the treadmill an extra 5 minutes and then worked on the machines for a bit, but then it became a waiting game for certain machines so I left.

I felt MUCH better for the rest of the day!

I got up today, Thursday, and couldn't resist but jumping on the scale.  I woke up hungry and having a 'skinny day'.  I know I should have waited until Monday, but I had to.  Much to my surprise, I was down 3 lbs since Monday's weigh in!  YAY!  That's 13 lbs since this journey began.  This was a great reason to call and sign up for the Group Step Up class tonight.  I didn't get to the gym this morning because I woke up with a cold - took some medicine and went back to bed.  I want to do the class tonight though, it's always fun and a whole hour of continuous movements!  Great cardio workout!  I'm in somewhat better shape since the last time I went to the class (3 weeks ago) so I should be able to keep up tonight.

It's a good day ...

New Job

I'm home today ... not even going to the gym - I feel like I'm missing something though, but John had an appointment at 9am and I really don't watch the clock when I'm working out so I thought I'd take the day off from the gym.  I'm thinking I won't do that again. 

I started my new job yesterday.  I wanted to first make sure I made it to the gym.  I wasn't due to be at work until 11am so I had lots of time to workout and then shower.  The kids had a snow day but it wasn't going to stop me from making it to the Y.  I felt great on the treadmill and even took it 5 minutes longer.  I worked out hard.  I had some 17 yr old come over to me though 'showing' me how to use one of the machines.  I prefer to just workout silently so I wasn't really happy at this time.   I finished hard though.

I got home and had 2 hours before I needed to be at work.  The dreaded, 'what am I gonna wear?' played over and over in my head.  It's an office job and I'll be working with the public so I needed to look somewhat professional.  I wasn't allowed jeans and/or sweats or too casual.  I own dress pants and the ones I really didn't want to wear were the ones with the full elastic waist.  I'm thinking, 'oh please fit into the button up ones' - they were light grey and very professional looking.  I pulled them on over my hips and they were a bit tight so I thought for sure they wouldn't close.  I was wrong.  They buttoned and zippered, but I still had a little bit of a muffin top.  I now needed a blouse that wouldn't expose the muffin.  I slipped a nice top on, but still depended on a cartigan to hide me.  It's just something I do, something I feel comfortable with.  I am hoping by the spring, I can retire my sweaters, jackets, and cartigans.

Since I'm not very active today, I have a very low calorie menu planned.  I bought some leaf lettuce, English cucumber and tomatoes last night on the grocery order and I'm planning on a nice salad for lunch.  I'll take out some chicken for supper. 

Today is a blah kind of day ...

Sticking to the Plan

Well, I did it!  I went in to Pizza delight with a plan and I actually stuck to it.  I am so amazed at myself.  I think in the back of my head I was thinking, "If I eat all those calories it will cost me a few good workouts" and I wasn't prepared to let that happen.  I had a ceasar salad - which probably wasn't the best choice, but from what they had at the buffet, it HAD to be better than the meatlovers pizza that I was salivating over!  I put a tsp of bacon bits and some croutons plus a drizzle of dressing.  I took it back to my table and watched John inhale 4 pieces of pizza in front of me. 

I ate slowly wishing I could eat a fraction of what he does in one sitting.  I returned to the buffet and took only one piece of donair pizza.  Normally, I'd grab 2 pieces and go back for 2 more.  After I ate that, I went back up and grabbed some of the veggies from the garden salad.  There were mushrooms, tomatoes, green/red peppers and I had a little bacon bits and croutons and some salad dressing.  Once again, though, I caught a glimpse of that meatlover's pizza and it looked SO good!  I went back to the table and sat across from John who was eating another piece of pizza along with some spaghetti and 3 slices of cinnamon sticks. 

I watched him eat the cinnamon sticks and I said to him, "do you realize how many empty calories you are eating there" ... somehow, I don't think he cared ... he's a size 29 waist - although, he's not comfortable in that size anymore so perhaps he should follow my eating patterns now before it's too late.

So, one piece of pizza, two salads and a glass of diet Pepsi.  I couldn't believe it, but I was actually feeling quite full.  I wanted to feel like I ate $10.99 worth and I didn't feel that way because I could have probably gotten a salad somewhere else for cheaper.  I did, however, leave there feeling like a million dollars.

Today is grocery day and I know I'll be filling up the cart with all the good things.  I do have to cut this short though as I'm on my way out the door to start my new job ...